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S&M is all about mutual consent – be confident, and you’ll have more pleasure with S&M. Without a clear, enthusiastic and ongoing “yes”, there is no play. The submissive can withdraw consent at any time, without needing to justify it.
To make play safer, set up:
- A safe word that’s easy to say, even under stress
- A clear gesture if speaking becomes difficult (for example, tapping three times on the mattress or leg)
- A discussion before the session to define limits, desires and off‑limits areas
Take warning signs seriously: changes in breathing, unusual silence, vacant stare, shaking… These can indicate that the person is no longer feeling okay, even if they don’t dare say it. When in doubt, stop, talk, and reassure.
S&M for beginners: learn before you experiment
Understanding risks and your own limits
As a beginner, take time to learn about possible risks, basic techniques and good hygiene practices. Alcohol and drugs can affect how you assess the situation, your own limits and your partner’s limits. For safer S&M play:
- Avoid playing under the influence of substances
- Start gently and build intensity gradually
- Check in regularly on how your partner is feeling
The goal is not to “endure as long as possible”, but to create a space of trust, release and shared pleasure.
Puppy Play and S&M: a role play above all
Puppy Play is a form of role play where one partner takes on the role of a puppy: playful attitude, obedience, cuddles and sometimes discipline. It can be linked to S&M, but it doesn’t have to be.
In an S&M context, Puppy Play can include:
- Collar, leash, knee pads to protect the body
- Rules of behaviour (sit, down, stay…)
- Rewards (petting, praise, orgasms) and consensual punishments (light spanking, toy removal, etc.)
Again, everything relies on consent, complicity and respect for limits. The “puppy” must feel safe in order to fully embrace the role.
Spanking and impact play: hygiene, safety and gear
Gear hygiene and infection prevention
For spanking and other impact play, only use implements with one submissive at a time and disinfect them thoroughly before using them with someone else. Wounds that involve blood are at risk of infection with hepatitis B and/or C.
Some good practices:
- Clean paddles, crops, whips and other toys after every session
- Avoid sharing nipple clamps whenever possible, or make sure they are properly disinfected
- Keep an eye on the skin: if a wound appears, stop playing on that area
Managing pain and marks
S&M should not become dangerous. Discuss in advance what level of pain is acceptable, which areas to avoid (kidneys, neck, joints) and how visible marks can be (buttocks, thighs, back). Increasing intensity step by step allows the body and mind to adapt.
Wax play: caution and sensitive areas
Temperature and sensitive zones
Wax can be very sensual, but it carries a real risk of burns. Approach the pain threshold with care. Liquid wax on mucous membranes, ears, eyes and wounds greatly increases the risk of injury.
Keep in mind:
- Always test the temperature on your own skin before pouring it on your partner
- Avoid mucous membranes, face, ears and already irritated areas
- Beeswax is hotter than most other waxes and takes longer to cool
If a burn or wound appears, the risk of infection with HIV, hepatitis C and other STIs increases. In that case, stop play and disinfect.
Bodily fluids and sexual health
Risks linked to blood and semen
If semen or blood comes into contact with wounds or mucous membranes, the risk of infection with HIV and hepatitis C increases. This is especially important in S&M practices where the skin may be marked, irritated or slightly broken.
To reduce risks:
- Use gloves for certain practices
- Avoid direct contact with blood
- Protect existing wounds with dressings or suitable film
Vaccinations and regular testing
Get vaccinated against hepatitis A and hepatitis B to protect yourself. Get tested several times a year for HIV, hepatitis C and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), especially if you have multiple partners or practise S&M regularly.
Swabs for throat, penis and anus are the best way to detect many STIs. Vaccines against hepatitis A and hepatitis B are strongly recommended for sexually active people, particularly in festive, fetish or BDSM scenes.
Aftercare: care, listening and kindness
S&M, just like Puppy Play, can bring up intense emotions. Aftercare is an essential step:
- Cuddles, a blanket, a glass of water, reassuring words
- Checking physical state (pain, marks, dizziness)
- Talking about what was enjoyed and what was less comfortable
This time of grounding and reconnection strengthens trust, intimacy and emotional safety, and sets the stage for future experiences that are even more fulfilling.